


Don't

by Morgane (smilla840)



Series: After Rio [1]
Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M, Set after the end of season 4, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan tries to make Eric see reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Set between the end of season 4 and the beginning of season 5.
> 
> Originally posted at my livejournal, and beta'ed by sunhawk.

_He can feel the sunshine playing with the shadows on his face and for once, he doesn’t feel like he_ has _to get up. There is a warm weight next to him, one that has become familiar, and while it’s still a little strange – there is_ someone _sleeping in his bed! –, it’s getting less and less so as the days and weeks pass. In fact, it’s become quite comfortable._

_Sleepily, he snuggles closer to the lump. He has the day off. They both do._

_He falls back asleep._

\---

The bed is cold and empty when he reaches over. It’s not the first time, not by a long shot, but he can’t seem to convince his mind that Eric isn’t here and won’t be when he wakes up. Strange, he thinks, after all the trouble he went through to get used to it in the first place.

He sits. He has the day off, but there is really no reason for him to stay in bed.

But now that he is up and about, there is nothing stopping his brain from working overtime – it does that a lot these days. About Eric, about his sister and Horatio, about how screwed up things are right now, about _him and Eric_ , and he stalls on that. Is there a ‘him and Eric’? A week ago he would have said yes without a blink of hesitation. They had been… what? Dating? Not really. Sleeping together? Yes, that’s one way of looking at it. Every night too. But there was more to it, or at least that’s what he had thought.

But now, Eric’s sister is dead and Eric and Horatio have been running around like crazy trying to find evidence to convict the man who killed her. Ryan understands, really he does – except not really because no one in his family has ever been murdered so it’s not like he has any experience to fall back on. Still, he understands the concept and the theory. What he does _not_ understand is why Eric isn’t here. He knows he isn’t with his family either – which would have made sense – so where is he? And why can’t Ryan be there?

He hasn’t seen him outside of work in the past week apart from the funeral, but that doesn’t count because he was there as a coworker and not as Eric’s lover. How could he have been, when no one knows about their relationship?

And maybe he is being selfish, but Ryan is tired of not knowing what’s going on or if Eric is okay, and most of all he is _tired_ of not being able to ask those questions. Because he (might) love him, damn it, and he is worried.

His mind made up, he takes his car keys.

He is going to see Eric.

\---

_When he wakes up again – or rather, when Eric wakes him up – it’s to Eric’s hands playing with his body. It tickles and Ryan laughs, trying to push him away. But Eric perseveres with zeal and soon Ryan’s laughter turns into moans and the air grows hot around them._

_Suddenly Eric stops and Ryan blinks, trying to focus his eyes on him. When he does, he lets out a groan of frustration: Eric is smirking – no big surprise there, the man is entirely too smug for his own good. Well, he’ll show him!_

_Ryan whacks him with a pillow._

\---

When he arrives at Eric’s, he finds him throwing clothes in a bag. For a few seconds, he can only stare, until Eric turns around and (finally) notices he is here.

“What are you doing?” Ryan asks.

“What do you think I’m doing?” Eric looks angry. In fact, Ryan doesn’t think he has seen him anything but angry in the past few days. Not sadness, no. Just anger, running hot and cold.

“Well, it looks like you’re going on a trip.” Ryan says with a wry smile, in an effort to diffuse the situation. 

“That’s because I am.” Eric goes back to his bag and zips it close.

“Where?”

“Look, it’s none of your business.”

“Oh, really?” And Ryan is going to pretend that didn’t hurt as much as it did. “Let me take a guess then.” He is angry too now, they both are, and that’s never a good combination. After all, there is a reason no one at the lab thinks they even like each other. “The guy who killed Marisol – Riaz right? He is being deported to Brazil, and you’re going after him.”

Eric doesn’t answer, and it’s all Ryan needs.

Now, that’s probably one of the stupidest things Eric has ever done, and Ryan is about to let him know that. Because he might not understand exactly what it is Eric is going through, but he understands grief, and he _knows_ that’s not the way to deal with it. 

“Fuck, Eric! You think you can just go to Brazil and… what? Kill the guy? And then what? You’re going to feel better?”

“Yes!” Eric shouts back. “I think I’ll feel a lot better! Now why don’t you leave me alone, Horatio is picking me up soon.”

“Horatio…?” Ryan can’t quite believe what he is hearing. “You’ve lost your mind, the both of you! You can’t seriously be planning to murder the guy!”

“He is a murderer!”

“So are most of the people we deal with every day. You don’t go around shooting them, do you?”

“It’s different. He killed my sister and he’s going to get away with it.” Eric is seething now, and pacing back and forth. If Ryan wasn’t so mad, he would probably think it wiser to drop the subject. But he _is_ mad, and he isn’t about to let Eric make the biggest mistake of his life without fighting him.

“So you’re going to kill him? That’s not how it works, and you know it! How is it going to make things better anyway? It won’t bring her back, Eric! Do you honestly think that’s what she would want for you, uh? To end up in a Brazilian jail for murder? That’ll-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Eric slams him against the wall and the air whooshes out of his lungs.

“Shut up! Don’t talk about her, okay? You don’t know what she’d want. You didn’t even know her!”

“And whose fault is that, Eric?” Ryan isn’t angry anymore, just very tired and a little defeated. Clearly, his relationship with Eric isn’t what he thought it was. After all, Eric had been the one who hadn’t wanted to tell their friends about them and he hadn’t told his family either. If he had… But that’s too late now, he’ll never get to know Marisol. And getting to know the rest of Eric’s family might not even be an issue anymore. 

“Whose fault was that?” he repeats, quieter this time, and it seems to get through to Eric. The mask of anger that is Eric’s face breaks and he lets go of Ryan abruptly, taking a step back. Ryan doesn’t try to go after him. He isn’t sure he can.

“Eric…” he says instead. “Please. Just…”

Then all of a sudden Eric is back in his face and Ryan can’t stop himself from tensing in self-defence. He doesn’t know what to expect, but certainly not what he gets.

Eric slumps against him, hands bunching into Ryan’s shirt. “Sorry, sorry…” he hears him mutter against his shoulder. Eric is shaking, but he doesn’t think he is crying. So Ryan wraps his arms around him and holds on. It’s the only thing he can do.

He doesn’t know how long they remain like that, wrapped in each other’s misery. It’s Horatio who interrupts when he steps into the room. Eric wrenches himself from Ryan’s comfort and steps away, looking at everything but Ryan. That hurts too.

Horatio looks at them quizzically, raising an eyebrow. He seems to dismiss Ryan though, focusing on Eric instead. “Ready?” he asks, and Eric nods and grabs his bag.

They are both heading for the door now, and Ryan still can’t believe this is happening.

“Eric!” he calls out. 

Eric stops and looks at him. His face is a careful blank.

“Don’t.” It is both a warning and a plea, because if Eric leaves now…

But Eric shakes his head and goes through the door.

\---

_Ryan is looking at Eric. He’s asleep again (Ryan found out very early in their relationship that Eric will take all the sleep he can get), his eyelids fluttering occasionally as he dreams. Ryan is a little fascinated by the sight and he can’t stop himself. He reaches over and traces patterns over his face. He ends up playing with Eric’s hair and smiles when Eric huffs in his sleep and turns over._

_In the end, Ryan settles back against Eric and immediately finds himself engulfed by a pair of arms that don’t seem inclined to let him go._

_“I love you,” he whispers and closes his eyes._


End file.
